Category: Joke Board
How To Prepare for A New Cat
Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from the can and splash it
across the carpet and the foot of the bed and then walk in it in the
dark with your socks on.
Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each night so that if you
move a toe one inch while you are sleeping, you are sure to get
snapped.
Cover all your best suits with cat hair. Dark suits must use white
hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also, float some hair in your
first cup of coffee in the morning.
Put everything cat-toy sized into a water bowl to marinate.
Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny bites so that when they
steal, it won't be the whole breast.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter clothing all over the
floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the
cat will drag it anyway (especially when you have company).
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV
program and run to the TV shouting "No! No! Don't chew on the electric
cord!" Miss the end of the program.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner of the living room in
the morning and don't try to clean it up until you return from work
that evening.
Gouge the surface of the dining room table several times with an exacto
knife. It's going to get scratched anyway.
Practice searching every closet and open cabinet door before you shut
it.
Knock all small items off your kitchen counter.
Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house.
Take a fork and shred the roll of toilet paper while it's still hanging
up. Pull a few sheets off and scatter them around the bathroom.
Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every scrap of paper
around the house.
Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some tootsie rolls with cat
litter and then tip it over right before the company comes. Make sure
your guests get to find this before you do.
Buy a mixed bag of cat toys and stuff them under the refrigerator.
Practice getting up at 2:00AM and fishing them out with a ruler or
broom stick.
Take a warm cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it
around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new cat
falls asleep on your lap.
There now, once you've done all these, you've passed the test, and are
ready to take on that little furry critter!
This is funny, and true in many ways. I learned to put my laundry away as soon as I took it out of the dryer because I used to have a cat who would spread my clothes all over the house. And the cord chewing! Well I've already told stories on here about how my current cat, Smokey, has ruined some phone cords and a computer cord.
Hahahahaha, this is cute.
I should print this out and give it to my friend Jamie. She has two cats, one of whom would probably do a few of those things. lol
lol
I'd rather read this than own a cat.
Bob
eheheheheheheh, nice one. Lmao